Moving to the South and the hardships in lifePart IX · pages 125–138

125Printed page 125People were planning to go South. :

We discussed it thoroughly, and we decided that you would temporarily go with the children to Hải-Phòng, I would stay in Hà-Nội, if anything happened, I would go down later, it would be easier to travel alone. .___-_ At that time, it was the end of June 1954 † .+— The Gecnève conference was still ongoing, and the Battle of Điện- Biên-Plui was in its fierce period!

You moved some small belongings with the children to Hải-Phòng to stay with Thanh and her husband. You packed all our and the children's essential belongings, leaving behind | the bulky items, as you packed, your tears ` flowed freely. Looking at our intimate home, -__ although it was a rented house, and the things we had bought and repaired, now having to leave in an instant, you were dazed with regret.

You said: | - We have struggled a lot, now that we are just a little comfortable, we have to move again † The day we went to Hải-Phòng, I went with you and the children. At Thanh's house, although it was cramped, there was a spacious yard in front, and with family living together, the intimacy was very pleasant.

126Printed page 126— you and the children stayed at nguyễn Hải-Phòng until the day of migration to the South, as for me, I remained in Hà-Nội to continue working, and every Sunday I would go down to visit you. On 20.7.1954, the Genève Accords were signed, the division of the country was clear. People in the North would be allowed to migrate to the South if they did not wish to stay. We migrated, you and chị Thanh went ahead with all the children of both families, you were lucky to get a ticket to go on the French ship Kerpuelen, not a cargo ship, so the journey was less arduous.

After you had been in the South for a short while, my agency moved partly to Hải-Phòng and I was the one sent down first. _.

At that time I was truly at fault with you! In the South, you were busy worrying and taking care of seven children, some only a few months old, while I, staying in the North, was free and easy, and I went and got involved with cô Minh for my own pleasure. Thinking back now, I find myself terrible! You had to bear the suffering, I enjoyed the leisure.

You knew about my involvement with cô Minh in Sàigòn and perhaps you were very angry with me, but in the letters you wrote to me, you only mentioned longing and wishing for me to quickly join you and the children. Ă- — ồỈÖ..m>—_—TT.angnnợnwxwwmewmeww I was involved with cô Minh but my heart always thought of you, my diligent and faithful wife!

127Printed page 127Cô Minh was, after all, just like cô Uyên and the other women before, whenever I was away from you, I fooled around to forget the days! ` In the South, you and the children temporarily stayed at anh chị Nguyễn-Mạnh-Bão's house until I arrived.

——— In the North at that time I received 200.000$, compensated by the Office of the Premier of Bắc-Việt in the case I sued in the Administrative court when I was laid off. With this money, I sent half to you, and with the other half I bought a car for you to use.

You must have been impatient because you heard I was having affairs with this woman and that woman in the North, so in several letters you urged me to come to the South, to visit for a few days and then leave. Your impatience was understandable because in your position, who could feel at ease, but my dear, no matter what, I am still your husband, even if I am with this woman today and another tomorrow, this is merely to pass the time when you are away, I never forget you.

Faced with your urging letters, I had to ask for permission to go to the South for a few days, I intended to go to the South and then leave again until the migration deadline! I went to the South and then I ___ couldn't leave anymore, you kept me, not wanting to be far from me, and also not wanting me to rush back to those women.

I remember so well, seeing my face, you were angry, you were truly angry with me, but like so many times before, you couldn't stay angry with me for long, after just one afternoon we mm “nưướếrn -128- made up again. "

128Printed page 128Then that night, the two of us chatted intimately about so many things, just like when we first returned to Hà-Nội from the rear, you talked about the South, I talked about the North!

Anh Nguyễn-Mạnh-Báo was then the Minister of Social Affairs, you asked him to keep me. Many civil servants were migrating and being assigned to various ministries, so anh Bảo keeping me to work at the Ministry of Social Affairs was not difficult at all. I stayed in Sàigòn and didn't go back to Hải-Phòng anymore, “Ô— The car I bought in the North also arrived, with the car ready, we went looking for a house every day, staying at anh chị Bảo's house was only temporary, even though they told us to stay.

Anh chị Bảo's house, though spacious, became crowded, besides our family of 10 people including the helper, anh chị Thành's family also temporarily stayed there. After a few weeks, anh chị Trinh moved out first, then we also moved to a house on Hai Bà Trưng street and moved in later.

After moving, we still went daily to visit anh chị Bảo and often stayed to chat until late at night before returning home.

Anh chị Bảo cherished us, and chị Bảo especially liked you. : _. Arriving in the South first, you alone took care of so many tasks for me: enrolling the children in school, preparing furniture while waiting for the day to rent a house...; I didn't have to worry about anything.

129Printed page 129Moving to Hai Bà Trưng street, we resumed the peaceful family life. The house, though small and a bit cramped, became pretty. Returning to housework, you again took care of your husband and raised the children. At the end of 1951, I was sent for a month of training in Phi-luật-Tân. When I left, you saw me off all the way to the airplane and were reluctant to return, which made a French staff member present tell you : :

- Say goodbye to me and go home, the plane is about to take off ._ already!

- " In your eyes, I saw so much tru mén, and I got on the plane, looking down I saw you thất thêu returning, looking truly pitiful.

Once you told me :

ị - From now on we won't be far apart anymore. Being far ' I miss you, and I'm afraid you'll be a playboy going from one girl to another.

I laughed, you continued: —-~ ˆ > I know you, you don't love anyone as much as me but that's just how you are. .

Perhaps seeing me in Phi-luậ-Tân with a delegation that included some female delegates, you nghỉ mướn tr n ;1ẦQ- worried perhaps 2 It was only a month, what's so long about that.

130Printed page 130- I was away, and you had to look after everything at home by yourself hẻi, At this time you were a bit ` tired and you started to be pregnant with Kỳ † This was your eighth pregnancy, wasn't it? “Already suffering from thui hành, you had to struggle again because of the two small children, Hưng who was just _.

a little over a year old and Thắng was only a few months old. Even though we had a helper, you always - wanted to look after your children yourself, especially when they were sick. Right at that time, both children were sick, one had a fever and one had diarrhea. Some nights you had to stay awake Thư gân all night to hold one child after another. The helper, after much persuasion, you finally agreed to di năm for her to help look after them. Uyên was 14 then, but luckily she also helped you somewhat in looking after her two younger siblings. _ When I returned, you were still holding them, and the two children had just recovered. You had endured so much hardship. Now _ they have grown up, 1nửxờ things and yours they | have never been ghiêu thôn. Hưng __ is about to take the Baccalaureate Part I exam and Thắng is also studying in the fourth grade. All the care and upbringing of - their mother has gradually led to results! Oh my dear, yet fate cruelly took you away, not letting you see our children grow into adults.

You were sick lú rai for a long time before recovering. l) You had given birth . seven times already and were still having morning sickness † ý. ỐẶANA"AẠAN4g—ˆ.ˆÔỒÔỒc—— .~ During this thời ky nảy que sống, our life was a bit more comfortable. I went to work, the children went to school, and whenever you went to the market, we had a car. On holidays we would take some of the children to visit provinces in the South, thanks to which you also got to know some of the provinces here.

131Printed page 131R My salary wasn't high but thanks to the initial period of migration, you did a couple of profitable businesses, and our household ‹ “was also sung Lúc. l ¬ Near Tết that year cHúng tì took our four children Hạnh, Nga, Tuần, and Hưng to Đà-Lạt for a week with Bảo and his wife, In 1)à-Lạt I then went to Nha-Trang to visit Ba Me, Ba was still working, and when he đi cư, Ba was assigned to work here.

Tết in 1955, the year of Át-Mùi, we celebrated our first Tết in the South! Our home was truly joyful, ˆ_ we prepared chủ a festive Tết, “Ô— A few months after Tết, you gave birth to Kỳ, our eighth child. When you were close to giving birth to him, you told me about a dream :

You were walking on a road, and in front of you there was - a mountain, on the mountain there was a small child, seeing . you, he xà tay theo.

Kỳ was very kháu khinh and his face resembled yours. When he was little, his head HÓ tó bà trải dào looked truly adorable. Growing up, his trub nết was also, pleasant. You loved him very much and he also cherished his mother.-When you died, he cried a lot. Seeing him standing leaning against the wall with tears welling up, I couldn't bear it. He sadly looked at me, then looked at his mother's clothes, then bowed his head onto the vông wood cane! Oh! How painful Ì Kỳ was easy to raise, rarely sick, and did well in school. This year he's studying in the fourth grade with Thắng, isn't he!

132Printed page 132You gave birth to him at the maternity home of Ms. Mão, a ' villager and also my friend since I was 18. They only found out four days after you died, and came to visit you and offer their condolences to me!

Oh my dear, time passes so quickly, now Kỳ is already 15 years old! I wish time would go back so I could live by your side! But time is no less cruel than fate, which swiftly swept away the days to soon take you to a place near earth, far from heaven, separating us, husband and wife, I have to live đẳng cay in the widowed state of a gà trồng raising chicks.

Thirty years of love, a single minute of separation, one returns, one stays, two paths of yin and yang, is there anyone who _— #*hông feels piercing pain, Bến lived sixteen years, fell ill with a severe illness for two days, kiến a ruined life, one eternal farewell, ask the heart ¡ di heart if it doesn't grieve!

You died, today mỗng January 7th, year ˆ Canh-Tuất, is 54 days, but not a single day I don't miss you, and not a single day I don't get emotional to the point of tears because of the moments, especially when the two children chán ngoại always mention you or because I think of our old memories Ì That year, the year Át-Mùi, 16 years ago, relatively | we were comfortable, didn't have to worry about material things, and sometimes you would earn some small profit ‹ in hand-to-hand trading.

133Printed page 133At the end of the year Át-Mùi, around the 28th or 29th of Tết, suddenly R somewhere a very large fit of a dog strayed into our house, couldn't chase it out, it insisted on năm Ïì in the house.

We recounted the story, everyone considered it a good omen, because we often say: Ä4êo coming to the house means hardship, - a dog coming to the house means wealth.

We also hoped this was a good omen, but alas! It was not a good omen, but actually a bad omen! If the year Ất-Mùi had been longer, perhaps this would have been a good omen, but because there were only 2 or 3 more days until the end of the year, đù if it was a good omen, this good omen would also pass with the old year.

The year Ất-Mùi passed, the year Binh-Thân arrived. We welcomed Spring festively with firecrackers, with apricot blossoms, chrysanthemums filling the house. The scene of the house seemed to promise a good year, who would have thought, that year we encountered | | misfortunes.

Right at the beginning of the year, the dog's owner came to claim it. As for us, husband and wife, we would pay, but Quy didn't agree, claiming that the person who came to claim it was not the owner, but just an impostor, : the other person called, the dog refused to go, when Quy called it by the new name, Luck, it wagged its tail happily! Quy told the person - If it's your dog, call it to go, I will pay;

134Printed page 134if you call it and it doesn't go, then of course it's not your dog, if I pay you, and later another person claiming to be its owner comes to claim it, what will I say!

The other person had to leave but he didn't agree. , He was a mixed-race Frenchman, he went to invite Hiến bình to intervene, but Quy also answered the Hiến binh : just as she had answered him!

What a hassle right from the beginning of the year! The year of the animal is different, the incident that happened was just because of the dog Ì The owner called the dog, it still didn't go, and the Hiến binh also had to give up. The dog Luck stayed with us until 1966, which means exactly ten years! You loved the dog like a family member, and once when I hit it, you said:

- Why hit it, it's a sin, dear! It has been with us, it is already dry, don't torment it.

Your kindness towards animals has been shown many times through very touching gestures that I will never forget.

Later, chứng ta raised a small dog, it went out on the road and was run over by a car, ran home and giấy chết. This dog ` you took care of, raised from when it was small, daily mixing milk for it to eat. You cried when it died, and when mentioning it, you would get teary-eyed!

135Printed page 135Then the fits of kittens, people brought and abandoned them in the residential area, our son Thắng picked them up and home, you didn't hesitate to pour each cùi dìa milk for each one, and when the litter of cats grew a bit, you gave them away. You often said: we just want to save them from smoke death, we already have cats at home, why raise more!

You had such a kind heart, I don't understand why you ' had a short life, didn't get to live with your husband and children until „ white hair, loose teeth!

The troublesome story about the dog Luok's fit at the beginning of the year led to a very bad year for us! How auspicious it was when the spirit entered our home at the beginning of the year. Just like the previous year, you looked for ways to do more trading. You dealt with Ms. Gô, she invited you to trade together, you still handed over money and still received a share of the profit.

Around February, you handed money to Ms. Gô again, and this time when you handed it over it was enough, but when it was collected back, 40,000 was still missing. The value of 40,000§ back then was also equal to 400,000$ today. Ms. Gô asked you for a few more days, but after that she went back to France, and we had to accept the loss of the 40,0008 she still owed.

People said you were cheated, but both of us š considered this loss a blessing, that money went to save a person, losing money within the family means our family will be at peace. As for you, you told me that at the beginning of the year when you had your fortune told, the fortune teller said that you would definitely be cheated out of money that year!

The 40,000$ that was lost fulfilled the fortune teller's words; since you were cheated, there was no need to worry about preventing it. Who would have thought, we were cheated again, and we were cheated until we lost all our money and Iting công incurred debt, dragging us into several more years of hardship! _._ Only through hardship did I see ¿mì your resourcefulness and calmness, only through adversity did I see your endurance, and the more : in scarcity you showed more love for your husband and children and took all sacrifices upon yourself. ˆ After Ms. Gô went back to France without returning the remaining money, you looked for ways to trade, to earn back the money that was lost. Precisely because of the desire to recover the money, you _ were cheated a kìn lhịủ second time. Someone introduced you to Tìp to buy back some military curtains from the French army withdrawing from Vietnam. To secure this merchandise, you had already paid Mrs. Tảo a deposit of one and a half million, one and a half million in 1956 was not a small sum of money. The money you put down, there were no curtains, and Mrs. Tảo, along with a few others, brazenly took your money for nothing!

136Printed page 136— What did we do to have such a liển tò fortune, we :

-had to borrow and when cheated, we had no choice but to è cỗ pay the debt. All the money we had in the house, we scraped it all together, and most painfully, we had to sell all the gold we had. This gold we (a bought, both gold leaves and jewelry saved for our three daughters, ten taels each! We didn't regret the gold, we were only sad because our wish to save it for our children could not be fulfilled.

137Printed page 137Cheated, we took this matter to court. Already cheated, we also lost more money on lawyers; already in scarcity, we became even more scarce. Perhaps we fa just ÿ out to the creditors, the fact that Mrs. Tảo cheated us was clear, the newspapers had published everything, the creditors knew, but ' we still tried to worry about paying the debt, and husband and wife often discussed trying our best to pay as much as we could, and were happy with that, the creditors ' perhaps also understood, so there was no urgent pressure to demand payment.

All money lost, we lived again in poverty, poor but resigned to our fate. You again struggled and economized with my monthly salary, both eating and paying off the debt gradually. You never complained, and in our indebted circumstances, we endured together.

My dear, today, I wish to live those days of hardship again, but with you by my side, you were all my joy, all my strength Ï. Living without you, even with enough to eat, I still feel more deprived than when I was deprived living by your side! When will I ever get to live * those days by your side again! The more time passes, the further you will be from me; you are in the invisible realm, I am in the mortal world, : yin and yang on two paths, how can we be close again. And I don't know if later, when it's my turn to leave this life for the realm of death, will my soul be reunited with your soul!

November 12, Kỷ-Dậu year, was the day we | said goodbye, you went ahead to wait for me on the other side of the world, or was that the day we completely parted forever, across both space and time, across both the visible and invisible realms? If this is when we completely _ part forever, it is truly painful for me. You died, I 'tried to live on to raise the children, worrying how they could become good people as you always wished! And I also hope that my care for the children will somewhat replace your care. You always said you loved orphans, especially those who lost their mothers, because you also lost your mother when you were __ Six, you understood the plight of children who lost Tne Ï. Oh heaven, heaven yữ pào duïn mệnÍ: cm, to leave a small child bewildered, lacking a mother's love. How can you live again, live again so we can live together in poverty as before!

138Printed page 138Thinking back, I truly pity you! You endured so much bitterness and hardship. —. That year, after being cheated a second time to the point of ruin . bankruptcy, not long after you gave birth to thủng Định. He was our ninth child II J was it that heaven created you only to bear children, and your destiny was to raise children, one not yet grown before the next followed! And when they grew up, when a few could bring honor to their parents, you died! You didn't wait for the day they became famous, you only knew to work hard to raise them, not knowing if there would be a day to enjoy it. Creation is truly cruel, fate is truly wicked!