Looking back at thirty years of living together and lovePart XIII · pages 184–197

184Printed page 184- „ :IÐt By the year Kỷ Dậu, we had been married for 30 l - years. Thirty years of love and affection with so many joyful and sad memories, experiencing so many days of happiness and hardship, all the way from North to South, during evacuation, during resettlement, sometimes close, sometimes having to be far apart due to war and unrest. Happy or sad, far or near, we always loved each other, and our family happiness was never broken for a single day. You were very forgiving towards me, so there were times I flirted with this girl or that, when you knew, you got angry but ˆ_ angry only to love me more Ï _. Thirty years passed Í For thirty years we only worried about raising children then worried about paying debts, rarely were we at peace but we, living together, were truly harmonious, looking forward to our shared happiness.

In the year Kỷ Dậu, we already had two grandchildren, and several of our children had also been born, one day we talked and remembered our wedding day, the 10th of August in the year ˆ_ Kỷ Mão. Then we came up with the idea of celebrating our thirtieth wedding anniversary †. Was this also an omen, was the anniversary party perhaps a party preparing | for our eternal separation! Did Heaven, before separating yin and yang, separating husband and wife nn 111.11 2 1 ẪŸg 2v 2v v0 00L Ợ ỢCNNNTINẠAẠẬẢAAOHgaI CC, instigate us to have this party Í? As for me, I thought, back then when we got married, it was a hurried wedding during mourning, and since we got married, I never remembered our wedding day to celebrate it, this year our children have grown up, we can think a little about ourselves. Besides, it's customary for people to have a silver anniversary party to celebrate ` 25 years and a golden anniversary party to celebrate 30 years, why shouldn't we celebrate?

185Printed page 185Our fortieth wedding anniversary day was not grand, not (o tát, but truly intimate and cozy, and for us personally, truly solemn. Father, Mother, Thanh and his wife, Tống and his wife, Dung, Quy and his wife, and all the children and grandchildren were present and very happy.

The party you prepared, though not lavish, was generous hñ; you thought of my favorite dishes, especially the snail and meat dish. On that anniversary day, you should have rested, we should have eaten out at a restaurant, but you didn't rest at all, instead you worked even harder, having to prepare for the party, bustling in the kitchen and around the house. A family party eating out at a restaurant would have lost its meaning and been expensive! ` The photo taken on the anniversary day is still there, my dear, but you are no longer here. Thirty years living together, but, we very rarely took photos together. Only very occasionally did we take a photo, especially you, you rarely took photos. Even on this solemn occasion of ours, there were only two photos with your image!

186Printed page 186-- You were still busy thinking about the meal, still thinking about taking care of the children and grandchildren to eat †. Anyway, that anniversary day was a beautiful day, bringing joy to us personally and excitement to the family. The children were happy to see their parents harmonious and loving each other, loving each other more as they grew older. On this occasion, we received gifts - from all the siblings, from Quy and his wife, and from -the children. Quy loved you very much, he wanted to buy something to give you, something you liked. He intended to buy a new dressing table to replace your old one. In the end, he bought us a clock, the clock that hangs today on my writing desk, facing me, the desk you personally arranged for me. You were satisfied with the clock! Perhaps you liked it even more ˆ than the dressing table if Quy had bought it for you. The clock 'hỗ I had intended to buy many times. I was happy to see the clock, you were happy to see me happy.

In your life, I understand, you were only happy and joyful through the happiness of your husband and children, you worried whenever your husband and children were troubled or worried. _Thirtieth wedding anniversary! On this occasion, I also had a special gift for you. I had set aside the book CẢM CA VIỆT-NAM, a book I was very proud of, to give to you. Right then, I handed the book | to Lá Bối publishing house, and you also knew this book was for you with all my affection. It's just a pity that the book had just started its first print run when you passed away forever! Your fate was miserable, for thirty years living with me, I wrote so many books, why did I _ not think of giving you one, only until the anniversary day did I have just one book to give you, alas! ` The book wasn't printed in time while you were still alive! _Speaking of books, I'm reminded of my bookshelf - today, the bookshelf you designed, you personally had built and brought home for me, and when it was time to arrange the books, you spent so much effort cleaning each book cover! Who could take care of me better than you? __ In the past, only my mother paid attention to me, cared for me, made clothes for me, and later it was you! The bookshelf you helped build when you bought me a new bed, a new wardrobe. You told me:

187Printed page 187- We are getting old, you bought a bed and wardrobe for me.

The old things were passed down to the children. . We truly were getting old, especially you. You only slept in this bed for a full year! Bought the bed ._ at the end of the previous year, at the end of the next year you passed away forever!

ì - Looking back at the bookshelf, lying on the lonely _ bed, I only felt more bitter! A virtuous and obedient woman like you, how could Heaven be so cruel as to give you a short life! How miserable my fate is, struggling my whole life, before, one marriage didn't work out, then marrying you, I couldn't live with you until the end of our days! . -_ Then every morning when I wake up and look at your dressing table, I feel even sadder. Where are the combs, where are the hairpins, where are the lipstick cases Ì? The old images are like immortal, but you, you have not returned with the days! Going downstairs wanting to find you, I only find the altar with your photo ern smiling faintly! All that remains of you is that, and l those images are also abundant.

188Printed page 188Missing you, I had to take out old photos to look at and - the more I looked at the photos, the more I missed you!

So many memories of life came back to me, from when we first started knowing each other until we lived together.

The mornings we went out together, the times we played cards for entertainment, the times we f†a together took care of our young children, and the days we invited each other to visit Father or to visit Thanh and his wife.

At the beginning of the year Kỷ Dậu, we went to visit Father, how joyful it was -__. We wished Father a long life, Father opened his shop again "for us." Then we went to wish Thanh and his wife a Happy New Year. Thanh's wife still remembers and still mentions it:

Lức was about to leave, I told him to eat bánh chưng with braised fish and he sat back down.

I still remember that day. Then, since the day you died, when I went to Thanh and his wife's place, I was always alone, or went with one of the children. Seeing them—with their many grandchildren, I only missed you more. I resent the year Kỷ-Dậu! This cruel year tricked us, separated us! It brought us a few small joys, only to exchange them for the greatest pain of my life, the separation between us! To live and be separated from each other is already hard, let alone a separation by death, my dear! My dear, our 30th wedding anniversary—done, we were then worrying about Hạnh's wedding.

189Printed page 189Our wedding anniversary is the 10th of August, then the 28th of August is our child's engagement day.

You were the one who worried about our child.

Our child's engagement day was truly joyful, Father, Mother, the siblings were all present, and especially the children and grandchildren were very numerous. A set of commemorative photos was taken for the children _ and this time, like all other times, there were only two photos with your image; you looked so healthy and happy, who would have thought that a person like that, just over two months later, would be gone, you had departed to the invisible realm. You were in pain, I was in even more pain. .

We wished to share many years, but alas, the phoenix has departed in spring and autumn.

We were once husband and wife, our love as strong as glue through the years. `. How can I speak, my lifelong companion has become a lonely soul! ¬ r This is a couplet I asked a Confucian scholar to help me make to engrave on your tomb! | Hạnh's engagement party was so joyful, you happily thought about the prospect of building a life for the two children. :

190Printed page 190For the wedding, you also thought about our child's place to live. You rented a house for Hạnh and her husband, and you paid a deposit so that when the wedding ceremony was over, the children could move into that house right away.

You bought enough beds, mattresses, blankets, and pillows for the children.

You ran back and forth, you yourself transported the bed to the place, and you led me to see this pretty little house. You brought Thanh and his wife, and you l were proud to have taken care of everything for our child.

- -_ The day you took Thanh and his wife to visit Hạnh's house, suddenly you sat there stunned, not | wanting to stand up. Perhaps your sixth sense made you have a premonition of something unusual! That day was the 8th of November in the year Kỷ-Dậu, meaning 4 days before you left this world! That day was a Tuesday.

That evening, while I was away, you were home receiving Mrs. Kim and Mrs. Đức who came to congratulate our child, the meeting was very joyful, everyone was laughing and talking loudly, who would have thought that this meeting with those people would be a farewell! That evening, you recounted this meeting to me, and you were very pleased with the affection of those two ladies, just as you were pleased with the children's joy. You were happy, I was happy too, we both thought : about our child's wedding day, which we were sure would be beautiful | lắm! Thinking back, it's truly bitter, my dear! You put in ˆ so much effort, so much thought into the wedding—yet on our child's wedding day, neither of us could attend, you were seriously ill in the hospital, and I was waiting anxiously to know your condition!

191Printed page 191For Hạnh's wedding, we invited guests to eat at home. Before, we had planned to invite guests to a restaurant, but then—you met Mrs. Bảy, she suggested inviting guests to the house, and you agreed! How much effort you put in, how much you worried! "Ghosts criticize, weddings blame," you didn't want anyone to criticize, you wanted all guests to be satisfied with the hospitality as well as the dishes you offered! Alas! The dishes you made with your own hands, but you didn't have the honor of receiving guests, and neither did I; at the time of inviting guests, I _ was still at the hospital with you, waiting to hear about your illness! "

You worried about this meal for weeks in advance.

You discussed with me what dishes to make and how to arrange them. You spoke, and I only listened; in truth, I didn't know what dishes to make or how you would present them. It's always been like that with me, for all household matters, : whatever you decided, that's how it was, you bore all the hardship, what did I ... understand? So for this meal, whatever you wanted, I accepted, and your very wishes made you tired. You made the cakes and sweets yourself, you made the food yourself. Who could help? you much, besides Mrs. Bảy and Uncle Thanh.

Before your plans, on Sunday afternoon while you were out, at home I and the children discussed persuading you to do less to ease your burden, especially dishes like chicken galantine, stuffed pork hock... which take a lot of work. I tried to dissuade you but you wanted the children's wedding to be grand, you wouldn't agree, and you said no one should worry about the food, you would take care of everything. You took care of everything, but you became so tired, so seriously ill that you couldn't even attend the meal you had organized. You sacrificed everything for the children, you never begrudged them anything; including your health, and this last time, your life.

On Wednesday, November 9, Kỷ-Dậu year, you were busy preparing all the dishes, with chị Dung, chị Thanh and bà Bảy helping. That evening everyone left, leaving you alone. I was still sitting at my desk, looking out into the yard, where you were still busy alone with several chickens, several pork hocks, and various flours for making cakes. It was around 10 PM then. I was a bit tired. In the yard, I saw you go to bathe. Thinking you were about to go to bed, I also stopped working, went upstairs and lay down on the bed waiting for you as usual.

After bathing, you didn't go to sleep right away, you still wanted to steam several chickens! My dear! Your death was about to begin, you didn't know! You tried so hard, if only you had gone to sleep right after bathing, it wouldn't have come to this! Your nature has always been like that, wanting to do everything NO ..ươƠggaddll1, ÔÔÓóóóõỗõ _. De 3=n sự TY vẽ R THa«œxz lãi TẤT nến ¬= <=—==n l1 ND <= nung) tAt —- Láng: củi ha Q ... - tha . 8C TL“ <<“ CC THÊ “611 - vi Tớ, " L ..—-« huC TA t2: TH”, ni ñ —— - . La ve con . m ho X4 L4: ¬..:40 T0 Pin đt “2E ae? DU 3E 3y Ty "` ° TH N: m.>š-- NT. Tên Sa tản: XIN vn TAY v. đ. ##%⁄;# -- ME. ThS Bề HE kh TỰ: h Q HN ae ¬ R cả Nhuệ - s NO H TƯ NA 3p, L3 8n Y aế VAN DI Ấn „ in. ti BAN G22 22212 lv, _SẾt S2 EM tế _- š nh, mx.Ẵ. -: be IEEC+c xat - 59%: ni ANH ớớP.. B _ dệt "5 - ` N Dư nang SN. - vờ Nhpsiniiihi CN Tan Và v3 ' CD TỐ “hy “MÀ. th E167 H và 4n In lông DANH .- kà ni so.

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193Printed page 193You wanted to finish steaming several chickens, but cruel fate caused the steamer's glass front to suddenly break. If you had thought this was an obstacle, and gone to sleep to leave everything for tomorrow, perhaps things would have been different, but you were resolute, and you fixed the steamer yourself, fixed the stove, and then you were determined to finish steaming those chickens before you went to bed. It was around one in the morning then. You said you were tired, you held out your hand for me to feel, your sweat was pouring out! My dear, the blood vessels in your stomach had started to rupture, but we weren't doctors to know. I only told you that you were staying up too late:

Remembering that afternoon, after steaming a test chicken, you cut a piece for me to eat and asked for my opinion. I praised it as delicious, and you were delighted! It was always like that, whenever you made any dish, you would always let me taste it first. After I ate, you would eat, and then give it to the children. This time too, you wanted me to enjoy the dish you made before everyone else!

Tasting that steamed chicken, how could I have known this was the last time you would offer me food to taste! Thinking back to that moment, I miss you even more! It's been over two months since you're gone, meals are truly tasteless, and when will I ever receive your affection again!

194Printed page 194Where are the times you urged me to eat the dishes you liked, where are the evenings you sat at the head of the table watching the whole family eat! And where is anyone to make cakes every day for the children and two grandchildren. It's truly over!

That night I don't know if you slept, but the next morning you woke up early again. You wanted to meticulously prepare the meal for the guests. As soon as you came downstairs, you paid attention to the food and cakes.

Around nine or ten o'clock, chị Thanh came down to you again. You told me you felt a bit tired, I advised you to drink a glass of milk, but you didn't. What's more, you went to Tân-Định market to buy more food and fruit. I remember when you came back from the market, you showed off some really delicious apples, and you told me:

"At the market, I almost fainted!"

I told you to go lie down and rest for a bit. You didn't go to rest, you just lay on the swing chair to watch chị Thanh and bà Bảy make the food and cakes. Then after lying down for a moment, you got up again to work with chị Thanh. You loved your children, you also loved your grandchildren. Going to the market, though so tired, though busy buying brown goods, you still didn't forget the two grandchildren. You bought several kilograms of sweet potatoes for Bê and Bì, and these sweet potatoes, after you died, the grandchildren were still eating them a week later. Their mother still mentions it, and chị Thanh also mentions it. You excitedly showed off to chị Thanh that you bought several kilograms of cheap sweet potatoes... If “= mm—m...._._.—===.mxx.xmmmmTTTssmámámmrểư nu _ you were still alive, my dear, if you boiled these sweet potatoes for the grandchildren to eat, you would surely be so happy... Bê still always mentions the times you gave her taro dipped in sugar.

195Printed page 195That morning's meal, the whole family sat down to eat, including chị Thanh, they called you to eat, you said you were tired and wouldn't eat, but you still didn't forget the dishes prepared for the guests. Finally, I kept calling, out of respect for me you came out and sat at the table, but you only sat to watch me and everyone else eat. I can't forget your demeanor, when invited to eat anything you would shake your head, and you said your stomach hurt.

After the meal, you also lay down to rest for a moment on the swing chair, but then you sat down again to prepare the chicken. Bi clung to Grandma, you pushed him away and said you were tired. His mother quickly carried him away. Pity him!

It snuggled into Grandma's arms this last time, and also didn't get held by Grandma! Two days later Grandma passed away, and to this day, though it's only almost three years old, it still seems to remember its memories of Grandma!

Perhaps in its dreams it saw Grandma. It always looks at the photo of Grandma taken with Grandpa and the three aunts and uncles. It also always stands before Grandma's altar, bows, and boasts to its grandpa or parents: "Grandma's tablet is here!"

It misses you so much, once standing behind Thanh, it mistook her for its Grandma, it pulled Thanh's shirt, Thanh turned around, its face fell, looking truly pitiful.

196Printed page 196As for Bê, it remembers so much, it remembers every detail about Grandma, and especially the details about Thursday, when you went to the hospital. It still recounts:

"Grandma was preparing the chicken, the old man bit Grandma's stomach, Grandma went outside to lie down, then Năm went to call a taxi, Thanh and Năm took Grandma away. Grandma left, Grandma didn't come back!"

How could you come back! You yourself, perhaps you also didn't expect, leaving though not far from home, but leaving for good! My dear, who could have expected such a thing! If it wasn't fate, why didn't the hospital operate on you immediately, leading to you dying from exhaustion! Oh Grall Hospital, why do people keep trusting this hospital? My dear, Bê remembered correctly. You were preparing the chicken, you went to the toilet again, in the morning you had already gone to the toilet, this time you passed blood. You were scared, left everything to Thanh and went to lie down in the outer house on the radio chair, at the same time sending the child to invite Doctor Huấn from the house opposite to examine you. Doctor Huấn said you had a weak heart, but if it was a weak heart, why the stomach ache, the doctor explained it was due to blood circulation. You weren't reassured, you told Uyễn to call Tuyên, Tuyên told you to come up immediately so he could examine you.

Thanh took you. Tuyên examined you, it wasn't clear if you had a ruptured blood vessel in your stomach, but you were too tired, couldn't stand up. Finally, you went to the toilet again, and you passed blood again. Tuyên knew for sure you had a ruptured blood vessel in your stomach. He called on the phone and told me I had to come up and take you to the hospital immediately. He prepared the papers to admit you to Grall Hospital, in the papers he wrote "emergency".

197Printed page 197At the hospital, a young doctor examined you, this doctor was perhaps inexperienced so they didn't consider your case serious, they gave you medicine to drink and saline solution, not thinking about surgery!

My dear, how could I have known that taking you to Grall Hospital was the beginning of taking you to your death! What a cruel fate that hated us, daring to separate us when we needed each other and when you were so passionately in love with life.

Before going to the hospital, you asked Tuyên: "Will I die, brother?" Tuyên replied: "Die? No way! In about ten days you'll be back, remember to prepare a meal and invite me to drink!"

Tuyên wasn't wrong, because if the hospital had operated on you at the right time, you would have been home in just ten days! How many people with ruptured stomach blood vessels die!

It's truly too painful for us, husband and wife!