The day she returned to her husband's home and life in the thatched house.Part IV · pages 53–65

53Printed page 53My paternal grandfather came up from the countryside, Father welcomed him very warmly and the whole family was happy, because that day was truly the day you came to your husband's home.

- At that time, the Second World War in the West was in a critical period, and the East was often bombed by Allied aircraft. In those days, transportation was difficult, it wasn't always easy to hire a car like it is now. We had to take the train to Yên „ Viên, then from Yên-Viên we had to transfer to another train to go to my hometown in Thị-Cầu. Although the journey was long, we two, in the face of happiness, didn't think about the distance. We sat next to each other and this was truly the time we planned _ for the future. We were as fresh as a golden sunrise. We saw everything as beautiful!

54Printed page 54Arriving at my hometown, after two train rides, it had been dark for a long time. Perhaps it was 8 o'clock, and 8 o'clock at night in the past was,„ — 9 o'clock at night today. _ My paternal grandfather lit incense for us two to perform the ritual together. This - — was the first time you performed the ancestral ritual at your husband's home. Through this simple ritual, you truly became completely my wife -before the law and religion. - Bringing you to me, that day there was thím Cơ and a few others. Thím Cơ advised you on how to behave towards your husband's family.

And that night we were completely close to each other.

- My house was a leaf house with earthen walls, and at the front of the house there was a bamboo grove.

It was winter, the strong north wind blew the bamboo stalks - causing them to rub against each other, which made you a little scared. You lay close to me, hugging me, every time the two bamboo stalks rubbed against each other, they made creaking sounds. The winter night wind . — blew fiercely again. It was really cold!

You told me:

- The bamboo clump rubbing against itself sounded scary!

- I replied:

- Lying next to me, what were you still afraid of Í ˆ We had been married for almost 5 months, but that night "was our true wedding night." We were just beginning to truly know each other. We talked a lot, and we promised each other that in the next life we would marry again Ì Remembering that promise, I hurt even more! In this life, we haven't lived a full life together, I don't know if old Heaven will let us marry again in the next life -ˆ_ We whispered, I don't know if we ` slept much, but I only know that before dawn, we were both awake. Perhaps the bamboo grove at the head of the house creaked again, so we both woke up, or because we were too happy _ to sleep.

55Printed page 55—„ The closer it got to morning, the colder it became. We had covered ourselves with a quilt, but the cold still seemed to seep from the bamboo grove through the roof and into the room. We lay closer together, | hugging each other tightly as if to combine our warmth to fight the winter cold.

I asked you: _~ Why aren't you sleeping?

You replied: . ._ ~ You scared me too much, I couldn't sleep! _„ You were right, the feeling of a virgin stepping _ into womanhood must have something joyful yet fearful, something new, something truly beautiful, only girls who have experienced their wedding night would know. This is not about flesh but something more noble, the wife beginning to offer herself to her husband, and also the first time the wife feels joy in love, the physical joy mixed with the .__ spiritual happiness. . _ I said: .

56Printed page 56- It must be because the house is unfamiliar, so you can't sleep.

You said: . - How can it be unfamiliar, it's my house, if you're used to me, you must be used to it. : - Or are you scared of the creaking bamboo clump?

You didn't answer, just hugged me tighter. Perhaps you . were really afraid of the bamboo grove. Later you often recalled. ._ The wind was strong, shaking the whole house, plus the bamboo grove, it sounded scary! But then you got used to the bamboo grove, used to the thatched house, and from that rustic thatched house, our love blossomed and our lives became more intertwined with each other over the years, bound tighter by our children, starting from one then to eleven children ` The more our children grew up, the more we loved each other, because together we had gone through so many storms, struggled _ with so many difficulties, especially material difficulties. : Then those first nights lying next to each other, do you remember, the fairy tales I told you so you would forget the bamboo grove, forget the strange house. In those stories there was always a boy and a _ girl, two people who loved each other, the girl waited for the boy, "the boy sought the girl, and always the two loved each other deeply and completely." Although I told stories of boys and girls with happy endings, I truly hoped that was our story. We were like those boys and girls who loved each other, even though sometimes there were minor disagreements, and these disagreements had ˆ_ made us love each other more, Yet - ' ñgày. now, my dear, those fairy tales have not _.

57Printed page 57reached their ending! Halfway through, you abandoned me, bidding me eternal farewell without a word. From now on, if there are new fairy tales, who will I tell them to! Without you, the coldness seems to fill the whole house, and night after night I feel more alone!

—._ That Tết, we enjoyed a happy Tết.

You were pampered by my Grandparents and Parents, 'bai we went to visit all the relatives, and everywhere we went, there were praises for you, especially when I took you to visit friends in the village.

You surprised them, your age was too young, and you were — beautiful and gentle. Your gestures, your words, the joyful scene of thirty _ years ago still seem to be imprinted in my memory, where are you . now! I remember so well, when a friend of mine extended his hand to shake yours, you shyly refused with such a lovely bashfulness! | We celebrated Tết and welcomed Spring with the festive atmosphere of a newlywed couple! Tết is coming again, Tết brings back so many memories for me, but this year, who will I celebrate Tết with! The more people busily prepare _ for Tết, the more alone I feel, the more I suffer! Tết is Tết, should you not come, time turn back, so that my gentle wife would not today be buried three . — feet deep!

58Printed page 58And Tết comes, then Spring arrives! I will enjoy - — Spring with whom? Spring is here, but you don't return! People add another year, my dear, your lifespan was already determined by fate, even if five springs, ten springs compete to arrive, . you have no influence on Spring, only for me, Spring .oàng arrives, oh how lonely it is!

How much joy we had together during the Tết of Canh-Thìn year, this year, with the Tết of Canh-Tuất year, the house feels that much more desolate! Without you, I lack everything, and our children, what precious thing do they lack but sacred motherly love?

Living a few days in the countryside, we made - _ my grandparents and parents happy, and Mother was proud of her relatives because of you, because she had a city daughter-in-law who was obedient — and when people praised your beauty, Mother was also as happy ï as if she herself had been praised Ì I remember a meal, you held a bowl of rice, a large country bowl, you couldn't finish eating it, and with the piece of chicken thigh bà Trẻ gave you, you couldn't finish gnawing it. You only ate one bowl of rice, Mother said you were sad because - I had said something to you! I knew that day you were a little sad - because you missed home, and also partly because I didn't understand how to cater to your mood. My mother said:

59Printed page 59- She's still young, she needs to be pampered! | The whole family pampered you, your sadness was only fleeting, and that very evening, with the fairy tale I told you, you giggled Ì ' ——_ My countryside scenery perhaps also suited your soul, _ 'you felt happy among people who all loved you. My younger siblings, they also pampered their older sister, and their older sister was a Queen, every one of them wanted to be close to you. There were times when I was away, you and my siblings gathered in the kitchen, by the fire to warm yourselves, made a batch of bánh chưng and then ate together. When I returned, you chirped with excitement, that beautiful scene, today even if I long for it, it will never be again. | _ Then there were the times we led each other to play on the deserted roads. We linked arms. The weather was cold but our hearts were not cold. I took you across the 32-step path, from the bank of the Cầu River up to the Đáp-Cậu girls' school path. We admired the vast river scenery together!

——._ After more than a week in the countryside, we went back up to _Vĩnh-Yên Ì At first, we still stayed at the main house, Father wanted us to gather together so the house wouldn't feel empty, because Father was always in Tam-Đảo. I also wanted to move out right away but, to please you, we temporarily stayed together at the main house. Father was very pleased, but I knew someone was not pleased. _ On days I went to work, you waited for me at home, then on evenings I came home from work, you would hide behind __ the door, then suddenly jump out and grab me, shouting:

60Printed page 60- Oh, Anh Toan! : So we led each other inside, you had already prepared a basin of water for me to wash my face. I washed my face, you stood beside me telling me stories from home l All of it was our careful attention, caring for _ each other! Every afternoon, we invited each other to go rowing on Đầm Vạc. When you rowed, you looked truly lovely! You wore white pants tightly fitted at the ankles, a short light blue linen shirt with puffed shoulders, sometimes on cold afternoons you would wear an additional bright blue wool sweater! Each of us had a boat, we left the dock together, going kilometers away regardless of those who competed near the boats. _.. Spring passed, Summer arrived, every afternoon at half past four ` you would wait for me at the window to go to the boat dock, and I, _ though sitting in the office, also waited for you. For sports reasons, I was allowed to leave early to go boating with you!

Đầm Vạc was our own world! Sometimes we each had a boat, sometimes we shared one boat, you rowed or I rowed, we went out to the middle of the lagoon. We would stop rowing, look at each other and smile or talk, letting the strong lagoon waves crash, the vast lagoon wind blow through Ì After staying at the main house for a while, we rented a house and moved out on our own. Your wish was to stay because you had your sister and brother, but when I told you that Mother herself had told me to move out, you no longer hesitated! Only Father was a little sad. :

Living separately, I saw even more that you were obedient and hardworking. At only 17 years old, you alone managed all - the work not just for us two, but also for my two younger siblings who came up from the countryside to live with us so the house wouldn't be so empty. They went to the provincial school in Vĩnh-Yên.

You looked after your husband and also looked after your husband's siblings. You took care of everything from food to clothes. I remember so well, every evening, you cooked rice, braised meat, the next morning the two of us and the two siblings ate together. The breakfast was simple but we were content. In winter, you made jellied meat and in the morning you woke up early, cooked hot rice, while I was still snuggled in my quilt, you cooked rice, you also boiled water, made drinks and also made hot water for me to wash my face. You were happy with housework, your reward was only those times we ate together, went boating together, leaned our heads together reading a shared storybook and ' especially when we completely belonged to each other, confiding in each other about this and that.

Whenever I went to work, you would close the door and watch me go, your eyes watching, your hand waving, your mouth smiling: That was our happiness. Then whenever I came home, you were always ready to wait for me at the door, while inside, a simple but pure and clean meal was already prepared by you! ¬ We weren't rich, sometimes we lacked because of my meager salary, but we ‹ often comforted each other: we are self-made, if we are poor now, we will have it later Ì We are self-made! We struggled almost our entire lives. Living with me, you had little joy and much hardship! For thirty years you devoted yourself to serving your husband and raising your children, _ you were always content with your fate, and never "let outsiders see our lack!" Prosperous days were very few for us, and when they came to us, those prosperous times always seemed to want to rush away!

61Printed page 61My dear, in the future we will have it! When is that future? Now you have become a person of the ages, leaving me with so much sorrow! So many peaceful memories, so `. many days living together, what is left of all that for me now .! Seeing your memories, I miss you even more! The things are here, but where is the person? You gave birth to 11 children, toiled to raise them, now just as the day was approaching to see the good results of your labor, you rushed away, without a word! Was it that you were born to endure all hardships, losing maternal love early in childhood, worrying for your husband when married, _— devoted to your children when giving birth... For thirty years we lived together, so many times we struggled and suffered, at those times "you were always there. until today, though not rich, life is relatively easy, then alas, you chose to leave!" Fate! Fate is truly ironic, fate stole you from me, stole the gentle mother from my ˆ children. And fate also didn't let you enjoy, your children are starting to become adults, Ỉ — able to bring you material joy, but you didn't stay! You only knew how to worry for your husband and children, you never | "thought much about yourself! If you wanted to buy something for yourself, thinking of the children, you would set it aside for them!" - The children lost their mother, some of the children are still young, what can replace your love for them.

62Printed page 62Định always stood by the altar looking at mother's picture then cried. There were also two grandchildren, they always _ always mentioned Grandma, especially Bê. You had been dead for a month, it still brought it up like yesterday, when you got in the car to go to the Doctor then went to the hospital! I never suspected, and surely you didn't either, your leaving was your eternal farewell to our home, | and you left and then never saw your children and grandchildren again!

We lived together in a small house on the street:

Vĩnh-Thịnh, small but full of love. You took care of household chores, you looked after the two younger siblings and sometimes you would send — money back to give to my parents in the countryside. You were truly thoughtful! ¬ When the cold season that year came, you knitted me a sweater, then you knitted for the younger siblings! Not finished yet, you even knitted a sweater to send back to give to my paternal grandfather! Your hands were truly skillful, mending, sewing, embroidering, knitting. And these hands: also did a lot of heavy work in the house. I saw you chop piles of firewood, I ” - saw you wash basins of clothes! Later when there was . help and when your spells grew, many times, you still washed my military clothes yourself!

63Printed page 63We lived together in a somewhat difficult but peaceful night situation. Sometimes on holidays, we would invite each other to go to Hà-Nội to play. I introduced you to my friends, especially Minh, my close friend who worked with me in Thái-Bình before.

"When they met you, all my friends immediately liked you, 'and you and Minh became very close friends. You were skillful, anyone who met you once, whether man or woman, would feel affection for you.

Days and months passed, we loved, respected encroaching on each other, if we were apart for one day, we would miss each other : as if we were apart for years and months!

— Then good news came to us! You began 1¬ to be pregnant, we awaited the day our first child would be born.

In the days leading up to the birth, you were always busy, worrying about sewing diapers, sewing inner clothes for the child. We discussed naming the child. We had already chosen names for a boy and a girl.

We wanted our child's name, when spoken, to have something of us in it, so that when we said our child's name, we would immediately remember each other. We decided the daughter would be named Uyễn and the son would be Tuấn, —— The day we awaited had arrived! You went into 'labor! You packed all the belongings, blankets, diapers, and inner clothes for the child into a woven basket, and Sinh took you to the hospital. I also followed but around late ` late I returned home.

64Printed page 64Back home I waited anxiously. I lay down to sleep ` restlessly. It was then the end of March, specifically March 26th. The weather was still a bit cold. Without you, I felt the absence of — the familiar warmth. _ | At this time we were living at house number 40 Vĩnh-Thịnh street. The house was also relatively spacious and decent. — ˆ At midnight I suddenly woke up, it was just past 12 o'clock.

I felt cold behind my back, I suddenly remembered you went to — give birth, I quickly sat up, and right then I rode my bicycle to the hospital. l . About five minutes later, I arrived at the hospital. You had given birth and had just finished giving birth. The exact moment you gave birth was the moment I suddenly woke up at home. The intuition between us had — - communicated with each other Í You began raising the child and began to struggle because of the child ` Uyễn, who today is married and has three children, the third one born just three days after you died.

You raised Uyên with great difficulty, later you also raised Uyên's first two children with care and experience from eleven births. :

65Printed page 65Now you are no longer here, the two grandchildren you raised always mention Grandma, especially Bê, it remembers every detail of when you were about to go to the Hospital! The innocent words of the child, I couldn't control myself, I cried ˆ_ a lot. I want these pages to reflect, to some extent, my longing and grief. _. I entered the hospital, you were overjoyed, and I was also overjoyed! You and the baby were safe, and from that moment on, we had a new duty, the duty of raising a child Ì You were only 18, still in your youth, yet because you married me, you became a mother with all the heavy responsibilities. You fulfilled all duties, both doting on me and raising the child. . Our life together entered a new phase, with our love growing deeper. We both cared for our shared happiness, together cherished our child, the first fruit of our beautiful union! ' The child has grown up, the child has become an adult, you didn't stay to enjoy the fruits of nearly thirty years ` of raising sunshine! You didn't hate me at all, we - we were still loving each other, despite our old age, despite the children -eon clinging with the two grandchildren chirping by our side!

I resent fate for taking you from me, I resent strong fate for separating us by yin and yang!